I was the blonde, hoping for a
hard revolution
just watching the band
on friday night
most things wont come to those
who wait
in the town of forsaken angels
7/11 is the only thing
we can rely on
they shared a cab tonight
the driver blasted adele
and they frisked each other in the backseat
while remembering old
lover's
names
(please don't run away
little bear
this mornings water brushed seascape skies
are miles away
la vida sin ti )
everyone's
looking for something
stained lips, fat tips
wine & peanut butter cups
trace
flower imprinted thighs like
tired lace
suddenly you're moving in
the questions of how to shelve
our pasts
a bass plugs, plughs, plughns from a neighbors
studio, he and his girlfriend
sharing separate beds
here,
it gets so that
song lines, or random book recommendations
from strangers
are the closest things you get
to love
Sunday, February 12, 2012
clutch
i wonder about you out in the world. if youre alright. what youre doing and how youre smiling and who's making you and just mostly, if youre smiling, if youre happy. if youre lonely. if youre still happier being alone. im sure you are. youve been solitary since you were born and you never needed anyone, even if they have slipped in and convinced you at times you do. you are a loner, a lone wolf, just like your daddy, nomading and when others open theirs you pull down metal gates, a waterfall of steel, to close off that sweet heart. i hope you have been able to forgive people. to forgive yourself for the choices weve made. the ones you had control over and the ones you didnt.
there are two kinds of choices, you know. the one the chooser makes and the one the chooser affects. choices can be done to someone, an assault. and then. they cant be undone. we make excuses, we plead i had no choice and mean it. i didnt know what else to do, and these are valid. sometimes life shoves us up in a corner and we have to box our way out, fists flying.
i never wish i hadnt met you though, sweet ness. i never wish you hadnt been born or pretend that i havent adored your smile since that first time. i remember that morning i met you, that room shook with love and i felt like, at that time i wouldve done anything to protect you, your soul so pure, so surprised. i wanted you to look at me like that forever. a nocturnal gaze. im sorry i let you down, there were times i never called and i spent a lot more time thinking about how i felt about you than telling you. and im sorry about that cause im sure it would have felt good to know. i hope youre getting everything you wanted. that youre cared for and careful and learn to let the world show you who you can be, let people love you, trust yourself so you can trust others. its the sweetest feeling in the world. i know your home hasnt always felt safe for you, so mostly, lovely child, i hope you find a home. in yourself. in your friends. i hope its strong and sturdy and warm and filled with flowers, open breezy windows and laughter, a pool out back, maybe a library. or whatever you want. because its dawning on me now that maybe thats not what youd want, maybe youre a different person now. one i dont know. so whatever you want. i hope you make a life thats all yours.
in the future, we'll meet on a street corner and i think (obsess) about what will happen. of how you will see me, of what we will talk about, of how i can talk to you without the first words being im sorry. or yours being why.
and i dont know. maybe its better this way. a giant tree in the middle of my backyard brain that i cant get to the highest branch to see neighboring towns, the future. i cant see what happens from the top. im down here, picking apples, shaking blossoms. maybe its better baby, that i dont know you anymore. that my mess isnt making your mess messier. i had such great plans for this, for the person i wanted to be for you and it just didnt work out, somethings dont, i know you know better than most about that. for now i am okay with the not knowing, because knowing is missing and wanting to change things that we just cant. i know the difference now. and besides, ive boxed you up ages ago, as im sure you have with me and all the old things i bought you and you tired of, so quickly. vow to be better, promise to love yourself, learn to forgive me and even on those nasty nights youll have alone at some bar in some future town talking with your friends, shaking your head, know that it gets better, that no one meant for it to fall apart, and that you always have a choice.
there are two kinds of choices, you know. the one the chooser makes and the one the chooser affects. choices can be done to someone, an assault. and then. they cant be undone. we make excuses, we plead i had no choice and mean it. i didnt know what else to do, and these are valid. sometimes life shoves us up in a corner and we have to box our way out, fists flying.
i never wish i hadnt met you though, sweet ness. i never wish you hadnt been born or pretend that i havent adored your smile since that first time. i remember that morning i met you, that room shook with love and i felt like, at that time i wouldve done anything to protect you, your soul so pure, so surprised. i wanted you to look at me like that forever. a nocturnal gaze. im sorry i let you down, there were times i never called and i spent a lot more time thinking about how i felt about you than telling you. and im sorry about that cause im sure it would have felt good to know. i hope youre getting everything you wanted. that youre cared for and careful and learn to let the world show you who you can be, let people love you, trust yourself so you can trust others. its the sweetest feeling in the world. i know your home hasnt always felt safe for you, so mostly, lovely child, i hope you find a home. in yourself. in your friends. i hope its strong and sturdy and warm and filled with flowers, open breezy windows and laughter, a pool out back, maybe a library. or whatever you want. because its dawning on me now that maybe thats not what youd want, maybe youre a different person now. one i dont know. so whatever you want. i hope you make a life thats all yours.
in the future, we'll meet on a street corner and i think (obsess) about what will happen. of how you will see me, of what we will talk about, of how i can talk to you without the first words being im sorry. or yours being why.
and i dont know. maybe its better this way. a giant tree in the middle of my backyard brain that i cant get to the highest branch to see neighboring towns, the future. i cant see what happens from the top. im down here, picking apples, shaking blossoms. maybe its better baby, that i dont know you anymore. that my mess isnt making your mess messier. i had such great plans for this, for the person i wanted to be for you and it just didnt work out, somethings dont, i know you know better than most about that. for now i am okay with the not knowing, because knowing is missing and wanting to change things that we just cant. i know the difference now. and besides, ive boxed you up ages ago, as im sure you have with me and all the old things i bought you and you tired of, so quickly. vow to be better, promise to love yourself, learn to forgive me and even on those nasty nights youll have alone at some bar in some future town talking with your friends, shaking your head, know that it gets better, that no one meant for it to fall apart, and that you always have a choice.
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