ouch

except it doesn't hurt anymore. and i've grown up. i've started using punctuation. my publicist told me to. she told me it seemed decisive. which is funny, i've never been that. ask olivia. ive never been that. see. see what i mean? but hey, lets write again. i mean, let's write again. let's talk about it. someone opened up the conversation. they always do: how did you get to LA? why are you here? what do you DO here? it's over time, become less of an impression and more of a conversation i hate to have. no matter what i say. i'm a horse trainer, teacher, yoga follower, drinker, server, lover, waiter, it's all the same feeling. oh really, that's cool. so what do you think of....(fill this with asinine annoying tedious noun subject here) i remember my bus from the airport to art school at 16 and some super intimidating guy with a fro asked me who my favorite writer was. it has messed me up ever since. it was always wrong, always someone they didnt know or expect. always a test. are you cool enough to hang out with me? the other night i remember, i'm a writer. he says, who do you read, who do you like, c'mon, as i bash away from it, who do you love? and to me, how can you say? i'm all the sudden my self in my junior year quoting bay area authors he's never heard of, or classics, to appease him, and myself, or ones, new, monumental to me, that he's never, will never read. and then its like, oh hey, steinbeck, what about that, and so you say sure, just to be sure, and we're having conversations where he's in high school and i'm a teacher and east of eden is amazing but not anything that is my life my right now. i end the conversation. not because i can't talk about these books, these stories, but my reading is different now, my writing, it's not about what was but taking that and bringing it to how we do new.