destiny brought us together
you stood on the toilet seat
my mustache
captivated your heart
she had her chance and
if it ends today
its about you
toi et moi
who pulled me off the bed for a dance
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
youth and weekend wars
in the last couple months i take so many trains and busses i forget where im going and which ones will get me to whatever place im calling home at that exact moment. home has withdrawn, become an internal thing. i have found a home inside myself, inside you, inside all of you and so, in fact, home, as a physical place, becomes irrelevant.
he tells me i mind as well be 17 and i couldnt feel closer to this right now. heading to calistoga for a weekend that will inevitably bring up that 17 spirit, that girl i was there, that place can make me feel so different, so alive and stagnant at once, but everythings different now, i have him and more importantly, i have myself. i am not that girl, im alive, completely, and from the tracks ive traipsed around this city, very much moving, not stagnant, not even a little bit.
the mission is alive today, pregnant bellys bursting out of tube tops and people hollering at each other on every street corner, resting languidly on fire hydrants, a picture of inner city, this is an inner city, did you know that? and all the sudden neighborhoods become real and tenants become neighbors and its a different city when its hot. when the paint on the buildings is slick and shiny, oily almost, like foreheads and lips, and so i try to shake everything else off thats weighing me down, i let everyones mood calm me, this hectic boil, this furious fight, we all just feel like we might explode.
on saturday we go to a party in the hills of el sobrante and john is taking us there so my stomach is a little nervous, like right before a big night of partying, that salivating, that expectant wonder, that nauseaous nervousness, like just about anything could happen. we park on the edge of some street, oak hill road, or wildcat canyon, in the country even the street names reflect themselves, they are dark and i have sharp eyes, you can read that?, adjusting to midnight concrete roads into forest and one million stars. we pass people walking in the heat and i feel 17, walking up kortum canyon or sharp road to parties at kierens house where everyone was older, shifting from foot to foot, measuring alcohol by how many words tumbled out anxiously in hesitant corners. its hot enough to just be in my dress and we walk onto the deck which is right pushed up, tucked into thick trees. a light projector shoving thousands of tiny green lights into the night, coating the hillside and night sky with tiny green dots, like fireflies, like gems, like magic. it is incredible and we smoke weed and listen to reggae and meet nice new people and have nice easy conversation. hippy mamas dance with sleeping babies and moondog rolls joints and kisses his men friends on the mouth and when the little kids get too tired they all sleep together in a room at the back of the house, safe and warm. i cant stop looking at his hands, the side of his face, the shape of his ear. he is like brand new to me. unexplored and i want to watch him, distantly, because doesnt everyone fall in love with someone just a little bit more from afar? could that even be possible? more in love? b walks with a cane and john is actually tired, we sit on a ledge built separate from the deck and an older man takes photos, whats he staring at? and we look behind us, the lens zooming in at our easiness with the night, behind us is nothing and everything. we are literally on the edge of it all. at least, for that moment, it feels that way, tiny green dots splintering and spotting our foreheads, dotting whites of our eyes.
im still learning, i realize, i dont actually have anything figured out. i think thats when everything will slip slide away from you, when you think there is some great thing to figure out. we need to stretch and challenge ourselves, our minds, i never want to feel that way i felt again, and i can say that, knowing that i will, that i will be unbendable, i will be scared again. i will be afraid of losing it all. but when we realize we dont have all that we need, not just yet, it seems theres nothing to fear. im still guessing and taking chances, im still messing up and saying things that i shouldnt and always, always, feeling things that are bigger than me, making it hard to hold them in your hands, in your hands, but i know that now. i give myself big points for trying.
he tells me i mind as well be 17 and i couldnt feel closer to this right now. heading to calistoga for a weekend that will inevitably bring up that 17 spirit, that girl i was there, that place can make me feel so different, so alive and stagnant at once, but everythings different now, i have him and more importantly, i have myself. i am not that girl, im alive, completely, and from the tracks ive traipsed around this city, very much moving, not stagnant, not even a little bit.
the mission is alive today, pregnant bellys bursting out of tube tops and people hollering at each other on every street corner, resting languidly on fire hydrants, a picture of inner city, this is an inner city, did you know that? and all the sudden neighborhoods become real and tenants become neighbors and its a different city when its hot. when the paint on the buildings is slick and shiny, oily almost, like foreheads and lips, and so i try to shake everything else off thats weighing me down, i let everyones mood calm me, this hectic boil, this furious fight, we all just feel like we might explode.
on saturday we go to a party in the hills of el sobrante and john is taking us there so my stomach is a little nervous, like right before a big night of partying, that salivating, that expectant wonder, that nauseaous nervousness, like just about anything could happen. we park on the edge of some street, oak hill road, or wildcat canyon, in the country even the street names reflect themselves, they are dark and i have sharp eyes, you can read that?, adjusting to midnight concrete roads into forest and one million stars. we pass people walking in the heat and i feel 17, walking up kortum canyon or sharp road to parties at kierens house where everyone was older, shifting from foot to foot, measuring alcohol by how many words tumbled out anxiously in hesitant corners. its hot enough to just be in my dress and we walk onto the deck which is right pushed up, tucked into thick trees. a light projector shoving thousands of tiny green lights into the night, coating the hillside and night sky with tiny green dots, like fireflies, like gems, like magic. it is incredible and we smoke weed and listen to reggae and meet nice new people and have nice easy conversation. hippy mamas dance with sleeping babies and moondog rolls joints and kisses his men friends on the mouth and when the little kids get too tired they all sleep together in a room at the back of the house, safe and warm. i cant stop looking at his hands, the side of his face, the shape of his ear. he is like brand new to me. unexplored and i want to watch him, distantly, because doesnt everyone fall in love with someone just a little bit more from afar? could that even be possible? more in love? b walks with a cane and john is actually tired, we sit on a ledge built separate from the deck and an older man takes photos, whats he staring at? and we look behind us, the lens zooming in at our easiness with the night, behind us is nothing and everything. we are literally on the edge of it all. at least, for that moment, it feels that way, tiny green dots splintering and spotting our foreheads, dotting whites of our eyes.
im still learning, i realize, i dont actually have anything figured out. i think thats when everything will slip slide away from you, when you think there is some great thing to figure out. we need to stretch and challenge ourselves, our minds, i never want to feel that way i felt again, and i can say that, knowing that i will, that i will be unbendable, i will be scared again. i will be afraid of losing it all. but when we realize we dont have all that we need, not just yet, it seems theres nothing to fear. im still guessing and taking chances, im still messing up and saying things that i shouldnt and always, always, feeling things that are bigger than me, making it hard to hold them in your hands, in your hands, but i know that now. i give myself big points for trying.
Monday, June 29, 2009
tiny insignificance
you dont leave me
napkin notes
post it notes
note notes
anymore
i should have just
pretended i still think of you once in a while
today, it's today right?
lets question everything
or just go
skinny dipping
assumed adventures
while your skin turns
yellow
are you being discreet
or understanding
of both our
feelings
youve got to quit running, man
youre splitting the tip jar,
the velocity of our lives
such a pending
love story
such little white lies
napkin notes
post it notes
note notes
anymore
i should have just
pretended i still think of you once in a while
today, it's today right?
lets question everything
or just go
skinny dipping
assumed adventures
while your skin turns
yellow
are you being discreet
or understanding
of both our
feelings
youve got to quit running, man
youre splitting the tip jar,
the velocity of our lives
such a pending
love story
such little white lies
Friday, June 26, 2009
its not you, its me
san francisco is an artists town
theres no room for writers here
not anymore
and i understand
ive run out of things to say about you too
you used to be my beacon, san francisco
when did you turn all
psycho ex girlfriend on me
when did you
become untrustworthy, such a slut
it would be easier to be an
artist, im thinking
get naked and take a few photos
of myself
and explain how
totally vulnerable i am
how this is me
all tattoos and extra flesh
and sadly, seductive sterile smiles
look at how pretty and creative i am
you think youre so smart
san francisco, im disappointed in you
(imagine my shaking finger)
you promised me things
unspoken
you held me late at night and nursed me,
rocked me
buried a well of security
deep, deep, down
dont you remember?
youre pretty slick, san francisco, in
fact you almost had me fooled
but im not like all those others
those "i like tea and reading and being creative"
bitches
they can suck my dick
i wont be 30 and boring with no stories, SF
why wont you stop telling the
same ones
im (bat, bat lashes) falling asleep
theres no room for writers here
not anymore
and i understand
ive run out of things to say about you too
you used to be my beacon, san francisco
when did you turn all
psycho ex girlfriend on me
when did you
become untrustworthy, such a slut
it would be easier to be an
artist, im thinking
get naked and take a few photos
of myself
and explain how
totally vulnerable i am
how this is me
all tattoos and extra flesh
and sadly, seductive sterile smiles
look at how pretty and creative i am
you think youre so smart
san francisco, im disappointed in you
(imagine my shaking finger)
you promised me things
unspoken
you held me late at night and nursed me,
rocked me
buried a well of security
deep, deep, down
dont you remember?
youre pretty slick, san francisco, in
fact you almost had me fooled
but im not like all those others
those "i like tea and reading and being creative"
bitches
they can suck my dick
i wont be 30 and boring with no stories, SF
why wont you stop telling the
same ones
im (bat, bat lashes) falling asleep
no ones taking showers anymore
i never spent so much time in the library when i was actually in school. the library here feels better. in h's apartment there are too many voices in airshafts and memories, and head swirling silence. i cant sleep past 830 anymore although there are no fire trucks or puppies waking me its just my own self, just me, waking my own body up. and thats how it should be. no one else matters as much.
today, all day, i want to barf. maybe it was the pizza before sleep, maybe it was those three words, vibrating, i miss you, and its a wild goose chase. you spelled her name wrong you know, but dont worry, i found her, flashy hands and its all summer fickle birthday bash barn dance and you make me sick. i think about you this morning, fingers pulling at t shirt, thin nightgown, i rose and lifted higher and higher for you, belly buttons, clean walls, new smells, i was all. most. there. but you can forget it, dont mispronounce my name again, it gets stuck in the back of your throat and you look so ugly i cant bare it.
no one wants to lose their shit in the library, oh lord dont shake me now, no one wants a panic attack, someone rushing to get water, i need fucking water, im yelling, bangs stuck to my forehead and i cant see straight, if im dying how much of my life flashing before my eyes would have you in it, if i cant see your face one more time, ill die, if i see your face ill die, walls close in and the library is swimming, now we are swimming and you, just a distant figure lit up by some lighthouse, some lighthouse pointing away from you, pointing me home.
but really, what am i talking about, talentless bitches running their mouths and i know how i feel better than you do. lets open up the freeways and drive blindfolded, let those car crash dreams come true. we should be reckless with ourselves, our hearts. you were reckless with mine. lets waste hours and drink tea out of our hands and fuck until were the same person and you wont have to remember my name. except for that feeling, some smell, years from now i'll still have you looking over your shoulder on street corners, checking under the bed, for monsters, ghosts, i'll still have you reading my books, mornings you cant leave the house, i cant wait until youre sending me cards still on my birthday, to an old address you have, cause i wont live there anymore.
i cant be blamed for anything anymore. i remove myself from all your bullshit situations and im not ready to talk to you. thanks for calling though, you really ruined my day.
today, all day, i want to barf. maybe it was the pizza before sleep, maybe it was those three words, vibrating, i miss you, and its a wild goose chase. you spelled her name wrong you know, but dont worry, i found her, flashy hands and its all summer fickle birthday bash barn dance and you make me sick. i think about you this morning, fingers pulling at t shirt, thin nightgown, i rose and lifted higher and higher for you, belly buttons, clean walls, new smells, i was all. most. there. but you can forget it, dont mispronounce my name again, it gets stuck in the back of your throat and you look so ugly i cant bare it.
no one wants to lose their shit in the library, oh lord dont shake me now, no one wants a panic attack, someone rushing to get water, i need fucking water, im yelling, bangs stuck to my forehead and i cant see straight, if im dying how much of my life flashing before my eyes would have you in it, if i cant see your face one more time, ill die, if i see your face ill die, walls close in and the library is swimming, now we are swimming and you, just a distant figure lit up by some lighthouse, some lighthouse pointing away from you, pointing me home.
but really, what am i talking about, talentless bitches running their mouths and i know how i feel better than you do. lets open up the freeways and drive blindfolded, let those car crash dreams come true. we should be reckless with ourselves, our hearts. you were reckless with mine. lets waste hours and drink tea out of our hands and fuck until were the same person and you wont have to remember my name. except for that feeling, some smell, years from now i'll still have you looking over your shoulder on street corners, checking under the bed, for monsters, ghosts, i'll still have you reading my books, mornings you cant leave the house, i cant wait until youre sending me cards still on my birthday, to an old address you have, cause i wont live there anymore.
i cant be blamed for anything anymore. i remove myself from all your bullshit situations and im not ready to talk to you. thanks for calling though, you really ruined my day.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
i wish you would have studied spanish
lets have somber conversations about
art and movies
read tropic of cancer on the train
and talk about how utterly brilliant it
is, how organic
you feel
how about, you be a
cardiothoracic surgeon
and ill have a
cast on my foot and fancy x-rays
and well figure out how to
fix each other
its not your job, but
to the pretty girl
it seems inevitable
that you would love her, 9 to 5 her
flea market beauty
ceramic baby scarfing down
sunflowers
look at you, running
with stars on your arm
to the gorgeous brunette whom i thought was a whore on friday night
quit
being pushed around
youre still cheating
bookstores
returning them read
i make great bagels in
mourning
on blossom hill
cant we just
camp underneath surfboards, build
waves on our backs
and in tired dawn
scratch the parts the water touched
art and movies
read tropic of cancer on the train
and talk about how utterly brilliant it
is, how organic
you feel
how about, you be a
cardiothoracic surgeon
and ill have a
cast on my foot and fancy x-rays
and well figure out how to
fix each other
its not your job, but
to the pretty girl
it seems inevitable
that you would love her, 9 to 5 her
flea market beauty
ceramic baby scarfing down
sunflowers
look at you, running
with stars on your arm
to the gorgeous brunette whom i thought was a whore on friday night
quit
being pushed around
youre still cheating
bookstores
returning them read
i make great bagels in
mourning
on blossom hill
cant we just
camp underneath surfboards, build
waves on our backs
and in tired dawn
scratch the parts the water touched
whats mine is mine
this isnt my house and this isnt my music and the tv wont work and the cats not mine and i only know its name because of a letter once written and posted on a fridge "theres a ghost in my bones" and signed, gilbert. and so i call that to the cat down the halls, to the kitchen, these beautiful girls sleeping upstairs, their faces brown and haunting in a house with no art on the walls and no doors. you cant shut out other rooms in this house and its a nice feeling to curl around the doorframe of the office as their mother says goodbye, i feel young, wanted, i feel shy and nervous which i am not so i hug the wood and when she leaves i wander the rooms, the floorboards sqeaking where i dont know they will, rough blankets on the couch, different smells but it feels like a home nonetheless. there is love here. you can feel it. and the only thing i can smile about is the cats name, making me awkward laugh cry because no one likes to smile when their sad.
coco gypsy is dead and buried
between the dried out spaghetti squash
and the tomatoes
i wont get to see turn red
and ripe
a summer like summers are supposed to be
and nothing is the way its supposed to be
i tell my dad
on the phone
bags over shoulders, gripping hands,
slicing pinkies, throw some more weight on top of
me, i can almost breathe
ive managed to shed my skin
all over this city
leaving only new, bright and shiny
gabrielle
and i dont know what to do with her
ive slept in so many beds, none that
are mine
and toilets, bathrooms, kitchens, corners
of hardwood
all become places to hold me
to change, to compose, to
have a moment
because thats all i have right now thats mine
this means im adaptable
according to my research
i am ready to enter kindergarten
i can adjust to non-ideal
situations
but i cant find anyone who wants me
who will keep me
i cant find anywhere to keep my things
not even a car is safe
not even a heart
and so here in this strange house
with no art walls
organic vegetables and thick
wool blankets
and beautiful sleeping girls
i break down
can i just stay here a little longer?
i need a moment
that doesnt move so fast
leaving cuts between my toes
and breath, short,
whiskey dipped
i need a moment to have these tears
they are mine, right?
coco gypsy is dead and buried
between the dried out spaghetti squash
and the tomatoes
i wont get to see turn red
and ripe
a summer like summers are supposed to be
and nothing is the way its supposed to be
i tell my dad
on the phone
bags over shoulders, gripping hands,
slicing pinkies, throw some more weight on top of
me, i can almost breathe
ive managed to shed my skin
all over this city
leaving only new, bright and shiny
gabrielle
and i dont know what to do with her
ive slept in so many beds, none that
are mine
and toilets, bathrooms, kitchens, corners
of hardwood
all become places to hold me
to change, to compose, to
have a moment
because thats all i have right now thats mine
this means im adaptable
according to my research
i am ready to enter kindergarten
i can adjust to non-ideal
situations
but i cant find anyone who wants me
who will keep me
i cant find anywhere to keep my things
not even a car is safe
not even a heart
and so here in this strange house
with no art walls
organic vegetables and thick
wool blankets
and beautiful sleeping girls
i break down
can i just stay here a little longer?
i need a moment
that doesnt move so fast
leaving cuts between my toes
and breath, short,
whiskey dipped
i need a moment to have these tears
they are mine, right?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
gangbang
those who can't do
dance with their girlfriends
until were brave again
at four am, you have
Amazingly Beautiful Eyes
like it means something
it really doesn't matter,
sweet talker
were a
lollipop generation
suck and blow
( i cant stop staring at your mouth, you say)
the intimacy in this room is
so quiet
are you listening?
its as if we are meeting
for the first time, SF
(kiss kiss)
leave a message in a bottle
and imagine
all the fun well have
board walk beauty
atlas girl
take me to your chicken coop
lets hatch eggs
i wish i were young enough
to have the chlorine without the
cigarettes
the morning without
the noise
that staggering silence
dance with their girlfriends
until were brave again
at four am, you have
Amazingly Beautiful Eyes
like it means something
it really doesn't matter,
sweet talker
were a
lollipop generation
suck and blow
( i cant stop staring at your mouth, you say)
the intimacy in this room is
so quiet
are you listening?
its as if we are meeting
for the first time, SF
(kiss kiss)
leave a message in a bottle
and imagine
all the fun well have
board walk beauty
atlas girl
take me to your chicken coop
lets hatch eggs
i wish i were young enough
to have the chlorine without the
cigarettes
the morning without
the noise
that staggering silence
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
my heads all mixed up
im trying to think of what to do for my birthday while simultaneously thinking of what to do for designs on my nail set while also contemplating my summer life goal.
when i googled "birthday ideas" for fun this is what it came up with, its kind of an interesting list:
"This is it! The Big List of Kid's Birthday Party Ideas shared by readers across the nation and around the world since 1999.
The Big List of kid's birthday party ideas are categorized by theme and listed alphabetically. Find the theme you are looking for and read through the party plans full of ideas for invitations, decorations, games and more!"
THE BIG LIST of Birthday Party Ideas
50s - Rock'n Fifties
60s - Groovy Sixties
70s - Seventies Disco
Airplane Party
Alice in Wonderland
Alphabet Party
Amazing Race
American Girl Party
American Idol Party
Animal Rescue Party
Apple Picking Party
April Fools Day Party
Aquarium Party
Arabian Princess Party
Army Party
Around the World Party
Arts and Crafts Party
Autumn Harvest Party
Baby Einstein Party
Back to School Party
Backwards Party
Backyardigans Party
Ballet Party
Barbie Party
Barnyard Party
Barney Party
Baseball Party
Basketball Party
Batman Party
Beach Party
Beach Party (feature)
Bear in Big Blue House
Beauty and the Beast
Bee Party
Barney Party
Bob the Builder
Book Parties
Bowling Party
Bratz Party
Breakfast Party
Bug - Main Page
Bug - Bumble Bee
Bug - Butterfly
Bug - Caterpillar
Bug - Ladybug
Buzz Lightyear
Butterfly Party
Camping Party
Candyland Party
Care Bears Party
Carnival Party
Cartoon Characters
Casino Party
Cat in the Hat
Cat Party
Caterpillar Party
Celebrity Party
Cheerleading Party
Cheetah Girls Party
Chef Party
Chinese Party
Chocolate Party
Christmas Party
Christmas Cookie Party
Cinderella Party
Circus Party
Clifford the Big Red Dog
Clown Party
Color Party
Construction Party
Cooking Party
Cowboy Party
Cowgirl Party
Crocodile Party
Cupcake Party
Curious George
Dalmatian Party
Dance Party
Dance Star (feature)
Dinosaur Party
Dinosaur Paleontologist
Disney Princess Party
Dog Party
Doll Party
Doodlebops Party
Dora the Explorer Party
Dr. Seuss Party
Dress-Up Party
Dress-up (feature)
Easter Party
Elmo Party
Eloise Party
Egyptian Party
Fairy - SUPERPAGE
Fairy - Main Page
Fairy - Princess
Fairy - Tea
Fairy - Tinker Bell
Farm Party
Favors
Fear Factor Party
Fiesta
Fifties Party
Finding Nemo Party
Fire Truck Parties
Fire Truck Party(feature)
Fishing Party
Food and Snacks
Football Party
Frog Party
Games
Game Show Party
Garden Party
Gilligan's Island Party
Goodie Bags
Gymnastics Party
Halloween Party
Halloween (feature)
Handy Manny Party
Hannah Montana Party
Harry Potter Party
Hello Kitty Party
Hockey Party
Hoe Down Party
Hollywood Star Party
Hot Wheels Party
Hulk Party
Hunger Caterpillar
Ice Cream Party
Ice Skating Party
Incredibles Party
Indiana Jones Party
Jasmine Party
Jimmy Neutron Party
Japanese Party
JoJo's Circus Party
Jungle Party
Karaoke Party
Karate Party
Kim Possible Party
Kite Flying Party
Kitty Cat Party
Knights of Round Table
Ladybug Party
Laser Tag Party(feature)
Lego Party
Lilo & Stitch Party
Limo Party
Lion King Party
Little Einsteins Party
Little People Party
Littlest Pet Shop
Lord of the Rings
Luau - SUPERPAGE
Luau - Main Page
Luau - Beach Party
Luau - Lilo & Stitch
Luau - SpongeBob
Madeline
Magic Party
Magic School Bus
Magic Tree House
Makeover Party
Mall Party
Mall Scavenger Hunt
Mardi Gras Party
Mario Party
Mary Poppins Party
Masquerade Party
Mermaid
Mickey & Minnie
Miniature Golf Party
Miscellaneous -
Modeling Party
Monsters Inc. Party
Movie Theater Party
Music Party
My Little Pony Party
Mystery Party
Narnia Party
Nemo Party
Nursery Rhyme Party
Olympics Party
Oscar Party
Parade Party
Party Favors
Penguin Party
Peter Pan Party
Pharaoh Party
Pink Poodle Party
Pirate-SUPERPAGE
Pirate - Main Page
Pirate - Caribbean
Pirate - Girl
Pirate - Peter Pan
Pirate - Tinker Bell
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pizza Parlor & Fun Zone
Playdoh Party
Play Party
Pokemon Party
Polka Dot Party
Pony Party
Pooh-Winnie the Pooh
Pool Party
Powerpuff Party
Power Rangers Party
Princess - SUPERPAGE
Princess - Main Page
Princess - Alice
Princess - Arabian
Princess - Aurora
Princess - Belle
Princess - Cinderella
Princess - Disney
Princess - Fairy
Princess - Jasmine
Princess - Pocahontas
Princess - Royal
Princess - Sleeping Beauty
Princess - Snow White
Princess - Tea
Puppy Party
Quinceanera Party
Racing Party
Raggedy Ann Party
Rainbow Party
Ratatouille Party
Rescue Heroes Party
Restaurant Party
Robin Hood Party
Rock Star Party
Rock Climbing Party Rodeo Party
Rolie Polie Olie Party
Roller Skating Party
Royal Princess Party
Rubber Ducky Party
Rugrats Party
Runway Model Party
Safari Party
Sailboat Party
Salon Party (feature)
Scooby Doo Party
Scavenger Hunt Party
Scavenger Hunt - Mall
Science Party
Science (feature)
Scrapbook Party
Sesame Street Party
Shrek Party
Sixties Party
Skateboard Party
Sleep Over Party
Sleeping Beauty Party
Snow and Snowman
Snow White Party
Soccer Party
Sonic the Hedgehog
Spa Party
Space Party
Spiderman Party
Spirit Stallion Cimarron
Splash in the Backyard
SpongeBob SquarePants
Sports - Main Page
Sports - Baseball
Sports - Basketball
Sports - Bowling
Sports - Football
Sports - Karate
Sports - Miniature Golf
Sports - Olympics
Sports - Rock Climbing
Sports - Soccer
Spy Party
Star Wars Party
Strawberry Shortcake
St. Patrick's Day Party
Superhero-SUPERPAGE
Superhero - Main Page
Superhero - Batman
Superhero - Hulk
Superhero - Incredibles
Superhero - Power Ranger
Superhero - Spiderman
Superhero - Superman
Superman Party
Surprise Party
Survivor Party
Sweet 16 Party
Tea Party-SUPERPAGE
Tea Party - Main Page
Tea Party - Fairy
Tea Party - Princess
Tea Party - (feature)
Teddy Bear Party
Teenage Ninja Turtles
Teletubbies Party
Thomas Tank Engine
Three Little Pigs
Tie Dye Party
Tinker Bell Party
Titanic Party
Toy Story Party
Train Party - Main Page
Train Party - Thomas
Train Party - (feature)
Transformers Party
Under the Sea
Unicorn Party
Valentine Party
Veggie Tales Party
Veterinarian Party
Video Game Party
Watermelon Party
Webkinz Party
Western Style Party
Western (feature)
Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Wiggles Party
Willy Wonka Party
Winnie the Pooh
Winter Snow Sledding
Wizard of Oz Party
Woody & Buzz Lightyear
Zelda Party
Zoo Party
Zorro Party
4th of July Party
PS. i only googled this because last years b-day was so great. and i want to do better this year. AND how much do i want to do a Kitty Kat party???
when i googled "birthday ideas" for fun this is what it came up with, its kind of an interesting list:
"This is it! The Big List of Kid's Birthday Party Ideas shared by readers across the nation and around the world since 1999.
The Big List of kid's birthday party ideas are categorized by theme and listed alphabetically. Find the theme you are looking for and read through the party plans full of ideas for invitations, decorations, games and more!"
THE BIG LIST of Birthday Party Ideas
50s - Rock'n Fifties
60s - Groovy Sixties
70s - Seventies Disco
Airplane Party
Alice in Wonderland
Alphabet Party
Amazing Race
American Girl Party
American Idol Party
Animal Rescue Party
Apple Picking Party
April Fools Day Party
Aquarium Party
Arabian Princess Party
Army Party
Around the World Party
Arts and Crafts Party
Autumn Harvest Party
Baby Einstein Party
Back to School Party
Backwards Party
Backyardigans Party
Ballet Party
Barbie Party
Barnyard Party
Barney Party
Baseball Party
Basketball Party
Batman Party
Beach Party
Beach Party (feature)
Bear in Big Blue House
Beauty and the Beast
Bee Party
Barney Party
Bob the Builder
Book Parties
Bowling Party
Bratz Party
Breakfast Party
Bug - Main Page
Bug - Bumble Bee
Bug - Butterfly
Bug - Caterpillar
Bug - Ladybug
Buzz Lightyear
Butterfly Party
Camping Party
Candyland Party
Care Bears Party
Carnival Party
Cartoon Characters
Casino Party
Cat in the Hat
Cat Party
Caterpillar Party
Celebrity Party
Cheerleading Party
Cheetah Girls Party
Chef Party
Chinese Party
Chocolate Party
Christmas Party
Christmas Cookie Party
Cinderella Party
Circus Party
Clifford the Big Red Dog
Clown Party
Color Party
Construction Party
Cooking Party
Cowboy Party
Cowgirl Party
Crocodile Party
Cupcake Party
Curious George
Dalmatian Party
Dance Party
Dance Star (feature)
Dinosaur Party
Dinosaur Paleontologist
Disney Princess Party
Dog Party
Doll Party
Doodlebops Party
Dora the Explorer Party
Dr. Seuss Party
Dress-Up Party
Dress-up (feature)
Easter Party
Elmo Party
Eloise Party
Egyptian Party
Fairy - SUPERPAGE
Fairy - Main Page
Fairy - Princess
Fairy - Tea
Fairy - Tinker Bell
Farm Party
Favors
Fear Factor Party
Fiesta
Fifties Party
Finding Nemo Party
Fire Truck Parties
Fire Truck Party(feature)
Fishing Party
Food and Snacks
Football Party
Frog Party
Games
Game Show Party
Garden Party
Gilligan's Island Party
Goodie Bags
Gymnastics Party
Halloween Party
Halloween (feature)
Handy Manny Party
Hannah Montana Party
Harry Potter Party
Hello Kitty Party
Hockey Party
Hoe Down Party
Hollywood Star Party
Hot Wheels Party
Hulk Party
Hunger Caterpillar
Ice Cream Party
Ice Skating Party
Incredibles Party
Indiana Jones Party
Jasmine Party
Jimmy Neutron Party
Japanese Party
JoJo's Circus Party
Jungle Party
Karaoke Party
Karate Party
Kim Possible Party
Kite Flying Party
Kitty Cat Party
Knights of Round Table
Ladybug Party
Laser Tag Party(feature)
Lego Party
Lilo & Stitch Party
Limo Party
Lion King Party
Little Einsteins Party
Little People Party
Littlest Pet Shop
Lord of the Rings
Luau - SUPERPAGE
Luau - Main Page
Luau - Beach Party
Luau - Lilo & Stitch
Luau - SpongeBob
Madeline
Magic Party
Magic School Bus
Magic Tree House
Makeover Party
Mall Party
Mall Scavenger Hunt
Mardi Gras Party
Mario Party
Mary Poppins Party
Masquerade Party
Mermaid
Mickey & Minnie
Miniature Golf Party
Miscellaneous -
Modeling Party
Monsters Inc. Party
Movie Theater Party
Music Party
My Little Pony Party
Mystery Party
Narnia Party
Nemo Party
Nursery Rhyme Party
Olympics Party
Oscar Party
Parade Party
Party Favors
Penguin Party
Peter Pan Party
Pharaoh Party
Pink Poodle Party
Pirate-SUPERPAGE
Pirate - Main Page
Pirate - Caribbean
Pirate - Girl
Pirate - Peter Pan
Pirate - Tinker Bell
Pirates of the Caribbean
Pizza Parlor & Fun Zone
Playdoh Party
Play Party
Pokemon Party
Polka Dot Party
Pony Party
Pooh-Winnie the Pooh
Pool Party
Powerpuff Party
Power Rangers Party
Princess - SUPERPAGE
Princess - Main Page
Princess - Alice
Princess - Arabian
Princess - Aurora
Princess - Belle
Princess - Cinderella
Princess - Disney
Princess - Fairy
Princess - Jasmine
Princess - Pocahontas
Princess - Royal
Princess - Sleeping Beauty
Princess - Snow White
Princess - Tea
Puppy Party
Quinceanera Party
Racing Party
Raggedy Ann Party
Rainbow Party
Ratatouille Party
Rescue Heroes Party
Restaurant Party
Robin Hood Party
Rock Star Party
Rock Climbing Party Rodeo Party
Rolie Polie Olie Party
Roller Skating Party
Royal Princess Party
Rubber Ducky Party
Rugrats Party
Runway Model Party
Safari Party
Sailboat Party
Salon Party (feature)
Scooby Doo Party
Scavenger Hunt Party
Scavenger Hunt - Mall
Science Party
Science (feature)
Scrapbook Party
Sesame Street Party
Shrek Party
Sixties Party
Skateboard Party
Sleep Over Party
Sleeping Beauty Party
Snow and Snowman
Snow White Party
Soccer Party
Sonic the Hedgehog
Spa Party
Space Party
Spiderman Party
Spirit Stallion Cimarron
Splash in the Backyard
SpongeBob SquarePants
Sports - Main Page
Sports - Baseball
Sports - Basketball
Sports - Bowling
Sports - Football
Sports - Karate
Sports - Miniature Golf
Sports - Olympics
Sports - Rock Climbing
Sports - Soccer
Spy Party
Star Wars Party
Strawberry Shortcake
St. Patrick's Day Party
Superhero-SUPERPAGE
Superhero - Main Page
Superhero - Batman
Superhero - Hulk
Superhero - Incredibles
Superhero - Power Ranger
Superhero - Spiderman
Superhero - Superman
Superman Party
Surprise Party
Survivor Party
Sweet 16 Party
Tea Party-SUPERPAGE
Tea Party - Main Page
Tea Party - Fairy
Tea Party - Princess
Tea Party - (feature)
Teddy Bear Party
Teenage Ninja Turtles
Teletubbies Party
Thomas Tank Engine
Three Little Pigs
Tie Dye Party
Tinker Bell Party
Titanic Party
Toy Story Party
Train Party - Main Page
Train Party - Thomas
Train Party - (feature)
Transformers Party
Under the Sea
Unicorn Party
Valentine Party
Veggie Tales Party
Veterinarian Party
Video Game Party
Watermelon Party
Webkinz Party
Western Style Party
Western (feature)
Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Wiggles Party
Willy Wonka Party
Winnie the Pooh
Winter Snow Sledding
Wizard of Oz Party
Woody & Buzz Lightyear
Zelda Party
Zoo Party
Zorro Party
4th of July Party
PS. i only googled this because last years b-day was so great. and i want to do better this year. AND how much do i want to do a Kitty Kat party???
recession
today i see kids copping a tag in front of general with mustard. a big, yellow, tube of mustard. i could smell it. i wonder if this is what the recession looks like.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
anthems
just listen to old
music
like from
when you were 18
and the music, older
ancient dancing
around tackle boxes of makeup
and whiskey
rimmed lip stain
get ready face off
walk quickly through apartments
dont leave your
tracks
on carpet
you hate the feel
of it undertow
clings to all the
heels of your
broken
thrift store shoes
just nails
and hardwood makes clicks, like clocks
speeds you up
walk lighter, make less noise
dont get too attached to things
fill out applications
use your full name
and tell him you
love him
because this is all you ever wanted
remember
THIS
quit pretending
fill bags full of food
and take them to the hungry
we are closer than you think
i just want to hug my sister, i just
want to look someone in the eye
there are more bags than things
space is limited
but ill take you on
ill move over
clear tables
allow corners to be dusted
with knowing fingers
i know people get bored
i know its easy to
forget
to take for granted
but i love you more than yesterday
ships and starlight and
fancy cocktails
tie me up to fences
starve me
cause cuts cause time
just slide in bed next to me whenever you can
forgive imperfections
its the world
were just people
thank god
music
like from
when you were 18
and the music, older
ancient dancing
around tackle boxes of makeup
and whiskey
rimmed lip stain
get ready face off
walk quickly through apartments
dont leave your
tracks
on carpet
you hate the feel
of it undertow
clings to all the
heels of your
broken
thrift store shoes
just nails
and hardwood makes clicks, like clocks
speeds you up
walk lighter, make less noise
dont get too attached to things
fill out applications
use your full name
and tell him you
love him
because this is all you ever wanted
remember
THIS
quit pretending
fill bags full of food
and take them to the hungry
we are closer than you think
i just want to hug my sister, i just
want to look someone in the eye
there are more bags than things
space is limited
but ill take you on
ill move over
clear tables
allow corners to be dusted
with knowing fingers
i know people get bored
i know its easy to
forget
to take for granted
but i love you more than yesterday
ships and starlight and
fancy cocktails
tie me up to fences
starve me
cause cuts cause time
just slide in bed next to me whenever you can
forgive imperfections
its the world
were just people
thank god
Monday, June 8, 2009
fly up day
its so much easier to write about things you dont feel close to. like i could make fifty poems in ten minutes while riding the 9, while filing through craigslist, while reading and the page jumbles and the words jumble and youve created a story in your brain, beginning, middle and always, the end. the end usually comes first. why do we write the end before the middle, after the beginning, why can we never let anything unfold, why must we always assume that we know, ultimately how the story will close, skipping the meat, the sandwich of the story. its easier, to close your eyes and point, to spin the globe on your bookshelf and point, to a continent, a far off island in the middle of a body of water than make actual plans. why is that? why are we incapable of letting that middle of the story fill in, become ripe and full and grow, with age, allow the ending to end, when, if, it does. we are impatient and untrusting of ourselves, of other people. people have made it difficult to trust and so we save ourselves by saving our stories. by writing ourselves out of situations we cant see clearly through, so that those last pages arent left up to fate, they are in our careful, sorrowful and limited hands. because fate fucks up and endings arent always happy, unless you write them yourself.
i cant write about any of this. i cant put it down and i cant say it out loud so its just swimming around in my head, fish bobbles and clear jellyfish murking up the tides that used to come easily, in and out. i cant breathe under all of this and im stuffy static walking through the days. im trying, im trying, but i dont know how to write this one down. i dont know how to make all these feelings come out on the page and resolve themselves, because they are too big, they are too heavy and im so used to carrying such weight. im in it right now.
my preschoolers graduate tonight and their families watch, their large and diverse families, each with two cameras in each hand, their little babies flying up to first grade and in one photo im sure, at least, tears were caught in kids hair as i hugged them, as they grabbed onto my legs and smiled up at me. i couldnt help it. i wanted to feel what that felt like but i was too far away from it. like, i wanted to be them, to be that young, i wanted that day again, to remember what it was like to be so small and hopeful, to have it all streching out in front of you instead of bleak, dry, desert. and i wanted to be the parents, because as much as i love these children (and i LOVE them) they are not mine and with their parents there they arent looking for me in the crowd to give that approving nod and one finger wave, so i just fade back into the cubbies and clutter and cupcakes lining the walls.
i cant write about any of this. i cant put it down and i cant say it out loud so its just swimming around in my head, fish bobbles and clear jellyfish murking up the tides that used to come easily, in and out. i cant breathe under all of this and im stuffy static walking through the days. im trying, im trying, but i dont know how to write this one down. i dont know how to make all these feelings come out on the page and resolve themselves, because they are too big, they are too heavy and im so used to carrying such weight. im in it right now.
my preschoolers graduate tonight and their families watch, their large and diverse families, each with two cameras in each hand, their little babies flying up to first grade and in one photo im sure, at least, tears were caught in kids hair as i hugged them, as they grabbed onto my legs and smiled up at me. i couldnt help it. i wanted to feel what that felt like but i was too far away from it. like, i wanted to be them, to be that young, i wanted that day again, to remember what it was like to be so small and hopeful, to have it all streching out in front of you instead of bleak, dry, desert. and i wanted to be the parents, because as much as i love these children (and i LOVE them) they are not mine and with their parents there they arent looking for me in the crowd to give that approving nod and one finger wave, so i just fade back into the cubbies and clutter and cupcakes lining the walls.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
philosophers club
my book will be
touring in mexico
and youre with someone else right now
blue eyed and mannered
im not worried about getting in
over my head
i don't know about reverse psychology
but i know about you, and
the smell of your neck
its a sunday house hunt
home hunt
thanks for the directions
don't give up
with the wind like that
church on the hill
and get all sexy black midnight
on me
touring in mexico
and youre with someone else right now
blue eyed and mannered
im not worried about getting in
over my head
i don't know about reverse psychology
but i know about you, and
the smell of your neck
its a sunday house hunt
home hunt
thanks for the directions
don't give up
with the wind like that
church on the hill
and get all sexy black midnight
on me
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
interference
your heart is (open crown)
in your hood
beautiful green
flashing since july
go, go, go
sorry i upset you
lets spell our names funny ways
silent p's and long a's
your face is stoney hardware
ive hired a security guard
to live
somewhere very deep down
in my gut
so i can
wear that salmon dress
like a second chance
turning hits into misses
with that smile & those eyes
were always ending in
elevators
politely feeling each other
up
you mailed a good
time
to the usual
suspects
and it came back unopened, fragile
ill load flowers
around your bed
and look at you critically
ive come to love folding
your underwear on sundays
youll never have to
walk alone
(Lets walk together)
unless you want to
in your hood
beautiful green
flashing since july
go, go, go
sorry i upset you
lets spell our names funny ways
silent p's and long a's
your face is stoney hardware
ive hired a security guard
to live
somewhere very deep down
in my gut
so i can
wear that salmon dress
like a second chance
turning hits into misses
with that smile & those eyes
were always ending in
elevators
politely feeling each other
up
you mailed a good
time
to the usual
suspects
and it came back unopened, fragile
ill load flowers
around your bed
and look at you critically
ive come to love folding
your underwear on sundays
youll never have to
walk alone
(Lets walk together)
unless you want to
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
