great expectations

i didnt expect to come to chile and to be sitting in front of the computer half the day...with a horrible cold every three weeks and listening to sad songs on repeat. but thats what im doing, my eyes going blurry late into the night, early morning and i dont sleep anymore, im nocturnal in this night prowling city. if i wanted to do that i could have stayed in san francisco, i keep thinking.

last night b asks if im glad i did this, moved here, came to chile and i feel badly that i have been portraying myself wrong. them im so sad on the phone with him, that i cant seem to stop the missing from getting in the way of the living. because besides falling in love with him (which wasnt really a choice) this is the best thing ive ever done. i feel bad if i havent acted like it. i need to stop acting like such a wimp. but i cant help it really.

the sad songs sound the best.