heat, heavy heat

the heat comes on in the apartment sometime in the second week of june, simultaneous with an immense feeling of internal cold, so i suppose it is just in time.

now, weeks later, i can wear just underwear and tank tops to bed, sleep with just the sheets on over my skin while looking at snow on the andes 30 miles away.

the heat comes up from the floor, the tiles, certain ones are hot, heated and we stretch out against them to collect the warmth in our bodies, like cats, looking out at the rain and thinking. somehow i think were all, for different reasons, trying to plan our escape.

except it would just be a move this time. im not running from anything here. i cant say that about many places and so in a way, this place is safe for me.

last night it rains so hard the front door to my apartment building shatters. an entire panel of glass just blown to bits. the concierge wears thick wool coat, mittens, hat and scarf and when we say buenos dias in the morning his breath puffs out in smokey white bursts. i feel badly that hours before i had been comfortably half naked smoking cigarettes on my couch with the window open.

walking to work i think of all the things im grateful for. i count them, on my fingers, and the list grows longer until by the time i reach the revolving doors at 750 huerfanos ive run out of limbs and i feel lucky. not happy, necessarily, but lucky. i feel today, like i can do anything.

that feeling is rare but imma run with it.

count your blessings friends, no really, count them.